I really hate my life.Its complexed and complicated.Deadlines to meet,throbbing pain,the pressure to stay thin,sarcastic people to put up with.. a madcap life is the best way to describe it.
There is alot that has happened. Sometimes I just wonder why things are these way. I have a wonderful family,great friends,maybe not the looks and the body but I know that I have got what it takes to make it far.... I am still disturbed with the fact that Rajen is not talking to me.I was honest to him about certain things.. I don't wish to hurt him and be unfaithful.I still love hafiz....People say I am stupid to still go after him.. but he was someone whom I really loved alot and still do...no one can understand that... I am paying repentance.. I know it... I have rejected like a whole list of guys... and the ones whom I have been with were really great guys... Why is it that i perpetually get hurt? Am I that vulnerable? I am cut deep , really deep by all that has happened.

Mom hates me.She gets irritated at the very sight of me..I have hurt her alot... and I have to undo the done... as for dad... he is such a possessive and judgemental man.I have to juggle both dad and mom.As for my siblings... they are a great bunch to be with but they often backstab me..and I would have to face the music...I learnt one thing.. that is never to tell your family members about your personal life.I can write a book with all that has happened...

I went to work on friday,it was at suntec... coincidently hafiz was working on the same day too.. we were together for a short while and got to see more of each other that day. He looked awesome with the uniform.. and I was really captivated... some charm he has... He was going through some problems himself... and he just shared the gist of it... I was quite sad for him though... but I know that he will make it through somehow.. these were the words he told me... I need time... If only amala tresca will wait till I a stable.... I told him I would wait.. wait for my MR MAN... I want him to be the special person in my life..god please answer my prayers... please protect hafiz and make my wait worthwhile....I don't all that is going through his mind but I will be there for him whenever he needs me... even if he makes it big I hope he would not forget me... So much of love, so much of pain.. the time we spent together was special... We were like the perfect Mr and Mrs... and then came a bomb..BREAKING UP...

I hate break ups... it already a month since we broke up and... we still see n talk to each other.... perhaps I do have a chance.. I just want to tell him this:

I loved u,I love u,I will still love you
I never let you go,memories of you haunt me everyday
Ur presence is being missed ,your absence is hard to handle.

Blogging about my emotions has made me feel better... well I am waiting for the next class to begin and I have made up my mind.. that is to wait for hafiz and focus on my studies... I am never going to let myself get into any form of crap.. enough of all the shit I have been through.. once hurt twice bitten....

lil-vainzboilil-vainzboilil-vainzboilurvefizadorefizsexyfizdarlinfizfiziliciousmuakzhugzkissess

Its been a real long time since I have blogged! This week was tiring...
Been on the run lately..
Aiming to lose weight! haha... been working out.. gym,joggin with jag,pilates... u name it .. ima givinn my hand at it...

Schools a bitch... startin real earli and ending late... have been caught up with lectures and tutorials... I met indix and asha n daddy n vikiboi n prem n dinesh...A bunch of clowns...
Had a cracking time at mac with prem and dinesh and yea indix darlin!Went off to prem's block n me and indix kept his wallet with us.. so that he would come down fast after changing! :P What meanieessss we are!

Well we were walkin n crappin.... all de way then i headed off back for lecture with indix.. daddy darlin and vikiboy came down to nyp... didnt get to chat with em much but i managed to mess daddy's hair and those who were present know what i did :xo (shhhh)

haha

I miss himloadsssssnsexypremnoesthtsecretnsodoesasha!

-lil-vain-

Somebody said they saw you
But i would never ask you... Ill just keep it to myself
I think about it when i hold you...
When i look into your eyes i cant belief
I dun need to know the truth...
If your playing me...keep it on the low..
Cause my heart cant take it any more...
I just want to let you know I dunt wana let u go...

Today was a madcap rush for me, I was early but was caught up in citihall waiting for joyce... i met hazzy too... well.. all were asking about hafiz... well then i told the shortlived happy love story of mine... She was totally surprised that we were on hafiz.. well she knows how fussy i can get...I know how much of a good guy he is... he may have his bad points but to me he is flawless... he had a exuberent personality which pull me like a magnet... he swept me off my feet in an instant...

I sat for lecture... it was about mental health and coping about certain things you cant help but to face... its realli difficult... very very ... to live knowing that you need that very essential catalyst to keep you going.. i still want to know what went wrong.. i really lurve him alot....

After lectures it was 3 hours of break.. i went to south canteen with kak mai and kak rabiah....we got our meal and sat down to eat..... then came up my friends commenting on my mew hairdo... many commented i look like a doll.... haha... a beautiful doll... i was so happy.... and the pravin called me... saying that he has not seen me for a long time..... he was eating in the canteen too.. so i cajoled to the table he was at and met him and prasath... and there came the comments... about me lookin fatter and my hair... and about hafiz... i was a little upset when he commented about hafiz... it was not bad... but it was not good at all.... yea.....

When i was walking back I called hafiz...I was so delighted to hear his voice... I was realli happy... after such a long time... he was in hospital...nothing was wrong with him.. it was his dad.... I really hope his dad is doing good.... yeaps.... well i really miss him... hafiz haniff....


Im so addicted to you
Sexy love
Keep me running back to you


Is it a story of unrequited love?
Is it my paranoia?

Lil-vain
Ilurveuineeduimissuilurveeverythingaboutyouineedallofuiwanteverythingofyouiloveeverythingabout

Today was really nice... I stepped into campus after 10 weeks... haha... everything and everyone seemed foreign to me... well l did my hair.. and people said i was like a doll on the run.... haha.. DOLLFACE!!! I was really happy to meet my friends and catch up with them... well many asked me about hafiz.. I was putting up a strong front but... deep inside i was like... not again... I dunno how many more people i will have to answer... well i think of him alot.. i cant deny that... the truth hurts.... and love has cut me deep....

The day started with lab lessons... abdominal assessent being its core topic.. well i am relatively well versed in it.. as i have been examined like umpteen times...I met joyce and she faced a break up too.. she lost alot of weight! I was shocked to c her!! Well its the season of break up is it?... Its been 2 weeks since we broke up and... i aint taking it well..... but i will be better... tried messaging Hafiz last night but there was no reply ... and i did try to call him... but he was not answering... whats happening.... whats going on with him... indix told me she met him last thursday.. and bought him dinner.. but the part where he told her to tell me that he was with jaswin.... cut me deep... really deep.. why is it that i am so crazy over him.... i was never like this... no guy has drove me this crazy.. i cry silently... every night.... deep inside Im brutally hurt and feel like love is not worth.. maybe its a lesson that god wants me to learn....... I am choosy as it is.. and have very high expectations of my Mr perfect.. but then again.. who doesn't? Tall,Chiselled features.... muscular... gorgeous eyes.... tanned skin.. the list just goes on...

I wish for a miracle.... Isee him everywhere.. thoughts of him are everlasting...

here is my lil wish.....

Dear god... i wish for a miracle.... bring him back to me... i want to be there for him, in good times and in bad... i want to be his good friend... i want to be his confidante... i want to make a difference in his life... i want him to have the finest ... i want him to be the best of what he can be... i hope he still wants me... but the odds are low i reckon....

Whatever happens.... its destiny.... my destiny has been pen down... no one can change it... but i really hope it turns out the way I want it to....


My goals for this semester:

-> LOSE 10 KG and be well toned
-> STRAIGHT A's (dun even think of anytin lesser)
-> GET A DIGICAM
->BRAID MY HAIR
->GET MY SCRAPBOOK DONE
->PRAY !!
->OBEY MOM AND DAD
->STUDY EVERYDAY!!!!!!
-> FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS!

imissuurpresenceisfelturthoughtsareunerasableineedumorethaniwantyoustolenjustinamoment

I dint know it would end this way.. for if I had knew I wouldnt even have started... I still love him .. HAfiz haniff.... i am realli crazy over him... A real gem... A huge sugadaddy... no words can express how much i treasure him... he made me feel out of this world... i am praying real hard... i just want him back.. i have rejected many.. but he was an instant attraction... he said he cant go on.. but why even let it happen when u know its not gona work out.. truth hurts... love hurs... I was admitted this week... had terrible gastritis.. and i had to be brought by an ambulance to the hospital... thank god indix was with me... SHe stayed with me all the way... such a sugarbaby she is... well I was realli upset with myself for getting admitted... and yea my friends and family were very supportive... plenty of visitors I had... but it was one very person I was looking forward to see... but nope he didnt even least bother...I was hurt.. but why must he bother about me..yea why must he...
Shafeez was a gem in trying to console me... yea... so was jag n asha... they have spoken to me.. but i cant seem to get over hafiz haniff..... goddd!
What a charm he has to make me go all crazy over him.. was never like this... i never was.. no guy has made so crazy... but hafiz has...
Cant he understand how much i love him and want him.... well ill cross my fingers and hope for the ultimate best to happen!

I lurvehimhafizhaniffhafizhaniffhafizhaniffhafizhaniffhafizhaniffhafizhaniffhafizhaniffhafizhaniff

♥ Tresca.
offically 20 on 2o/08

Loud,sarcastic,intellectual,conversationalist

Born a star,lives life to the fullest