I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Sometimes I wish I never felt this way to certain things.
Sometimes,I wish I wasn't given the liberty.I'm cooped up,I'm troubled. Just get so insecure at times.I can't put it to you that certain things you say irritate or even hurt me.I am cut deep inside.I have been cheated.I am numb from all the cuts that have been inflicted upon me.I am feeling shattered deep inside.I am afraid.I have the phobia of losing the ones I love.I have the premonition that something bombastic is going to come.Well you said you can't so anything much about your ex who is now your very close friend.Maybe I was wrong.This was wrong.I still love you and I don't want to lose you.Like I said,I don't mind anything but all I can wish for is that your not doing this behind my back.I really hope so,cause baby there was this guy who shot me dead.Bang Bang.. I went dead.I went through hell to get back on track,cause memories of him tortured me so badly.And now that I have come this far I don't want anything to go wrong between the both of us,cause baby I love you so much that I can never imagine anyone else in your place.I really can't.
Well thanks to my darlings who have been making my day!
Thanks hubby prem!! haaha he is such a kasanova!!
I am happy for sister and him, really hope things go well between the both of them.They are the best pair to my eyes.Well gorgeous gorgeous couple they'd be.Sometimes I just feel happy that my sister has someone who loves her so much,the little things he does for her,the sweet little somethings,he is a really nice chap.Well I call him hubby.:)Picture time!!!

Truth hurts.I should have known from the start that when you came around you were gonna make me cry.How was I so stupid to not avoid everything.I hate it that she is in the picture.I mean hello? Your ex gf visits you.. well heck.. visits your parents? Shouldn't she know how to maintain her distance now that you have broken up.I dunno how to put it to words about how screwed up I am feeling.I have been through too much that I was afraid of loving again.Maybe this is all my fault for giving myself another chance.For thinking that you were worth a thought.I should have drawn the line from the start,I really should have.I can't hold it any longer.I hate this shit.I want to move away but it will be hell for me.Why can't you understand.How would you feel if I did the same thing to you.YOu didnt even recognize from my voice that I was crying on the phone when you were telling me certain things.I appreciate that you open up to me.I really do but the part where that whore said certain things..it hurts me it really does.Even my best guy friend knew I was crying.I am feeling very insecure.Im just crying and crying.I don't know why things have to turn out this way,cause for me if I let go,there is no turning back.There really isn't.I have too much of issues to worry about and I must say that I have been in tears since that night.I can't accept certain things.I really can't.If your hotcakes among the girls..its really ok with me..but please maintain your distance,its really hard for me to accept certain things after what my cousin told me.Its hard to come to terms but I believe people can change.I saw the change but it seems stagnant now,its like your going back to your old ways,what did I ever do to deserve all this? I never asked you anything,I never did anything at all to hurt you,I never.Thanks thanks,I deserve this and more.

Well no doubts I still love and care for you the same.

I detest everything.Well most things.I hate it that you compare me with others,I know I aint your perfect kinda daughter.I know.You control every fuckin thing I do,I buy.NO for this.. no for that. MY hard earned money? Is yours? Whose the one slogging? I am not trying to be self centered here,but I hate the fact that you control me.There is NO LOVE.NOTHING AT ALL. You keep pointing out the fact that you have spent a lot on my medical bills. I know.Im sorry.I give back every shit that I owe you.I will,there is seriously no love,no care.Your nice to me only when I do chores for you.It just isn’t fair.Its not a misconception or misinterpretation.I am just sick of everything.I really am.I have lost a couple of things through this path I came through.I have cried too much that I have no more tears to shed.Though I may not appear that way..inside me lies deeply hurt soul.I know what I want to do.Rebel? Imbescile? Say what you want. Useless? Well say all you want.cause this is me.I am not going to change myself just because of stereotypes.You say she is much more caring than me cause she takes cares of brother and everyone around her... ok..I cant be her thats the truth.I am my own soldier,did you even look behind your back? you aint any perfect MR ANNOYING.YOue nothing close to that.My friends are loafers? Look at yours! I am WAY BETTER THAN YOU IN EVERYWAY SO THERE IS NOTHING FOR ME TO WORRY ABOUT.As long as my friends know who I am its more than enough.

Everyone's staring.
go away.
I hate everything.

Well if there is some people I must thank it would be asha,shahira,kaijing,they are true friends.

Nothing I do can ever be enough.Nothin.
Your expectations are really high.
Everything I do seem like child's play to you.
Did you ever bother to sit down and hear me out? No.
You caome back,scream your lungs out,show me the occasional love,give me sarcastic remarks.Well,I am oblivious to everything.I am not perfect,neither am I imperfect,I am some where in between.SOmetime I just feel so helpless,then there was you.
Well certain things are better left untouched.

YOu message me saying your totally lost,and feeling really listless and that your thoughts are all about me.Well can't you see that I have moved on and I don't want to look back,cause baby what you did was so hurtful that i fell so hard and I couldnt get up.I will always be your friend no doubts on that.

The holidays have been good,tuition,occasional slacking,meeting up with prem.Well yea he is darn upset about certain issues and yea I felt so bad for him,well I am always there for my dearest...I have been having so much fun.. cause fella meets my sis and me practically everyday after tuition and man we have tons of fun time,its a good thing he stays nearby!! haha.. well well... more slacking session prem!

Cant wait to get my allowance! I wanna get baby a cap.
Skinny black jeans for myself,topshop shades,black vest,more accessories!!!
well well!

thats it for now.

Well I have been pretty caught up these days.Missing too many people:( School,cyn,kakmai...the list can go on... been meeting vicky kinda often.Im gonna miss him truckloads when he goes to camp:( He has been the for me.Well darling cousin.. Im gonna mis you like crazy..well then there was this boy.. now he has stolen my heart:) Well.. :)

Today was terrible.My cramps got the hell outta me,am down with fever.So shagged.My life has been revolving around,tution,pilates class,granduncle's funeral and helping cuz choreograph the dance and getting the team going .Well yea been tad a little caught up.Was supposed to meet kaijing darlin today but couldnt make it cause of the demise of granduncle.Well I miss him alot.God please take care of him.
Joyce dearie called,kakmai called too,well I miss everyone.The hardest part about graduating is when you have to do away with everyone.I miss school,lectures,Screwing up tutorials,jogging with jag,cynthia's smile,saidah's hugs,rajin's cute lil face.Everything and everyone.I miss asha too.Not to mention many others too.I can't wait to go for attatchment.Seriously.Cause I miss working in the wards.Haizz..Teaching is kinda fun,I love my class! They are so fun loving,spontaneous and sensational.My kids make my day.They seriously have this thing in them that just makes me feel out of this world.
Yes yes Mr.. i got full marks for your test.Haha.. well oh well. thats how much I know you. I hope your doing good.

Why did you tear me into pieces?
I don't hate you,I don't love u.
I just don't know what to do with the thoughts of you.
Cause its killing me.
You keep coming back,when I wanna move on.
I am staring into blank space now,baby you shot me.

Go away.
Leave Me ALone
Everything's unwritten.

YOu break tradition,ur tries are outside the lines,its so hard to comprehend you.Period.This is my life.I am totally confused!

♥ Tresca.
offically 20 on 2o/08

Loud,sarcastic,intellectual,conversationalist

Born a star,lives life to the fullest