<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d33264324\x26blogName\x3dSay+it+like+u+mean+it\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dBLUE\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttps://vainsecrets.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den_US\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://vainsecrets.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d2442715744121839501', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>
©Copyrighted♥
Get lost.♥




Wednesday, December 26, 2007 ; 7:26 AM

I so dried up.Sleepless and helpless.
Im not afraid to cry,what would you do if you feel so dead tired inside and you cant sleep? What would you to if you shattered deep inside and you losing the thing to break free from your web? What would you do if you have been through hell and stepping in and out of depression.Its just not working,no it isnt.I feel damn shattered inside that everytime I think of you I cry,cause everything you do is hurting me so badly,I tried umpteen times to speak to you about it,and why is it you don't care? Well I have learnt one thing , and thats the last lesson I'd value,cause I have so much to say,I'm bleeding,severely.You never have time for me,you do things to hurt me,what have I done ever that your doing this,your treating me like plastic damnnit,you are,Im so shattered,everythings left unwritten,its hurting me so badly,I slit my wrists and they bleed,the pain isnt equivalent to the emotional distress you have put me through.Its hard to deal with the pain,it is.What hurts the most was being so so so so close.I hate it,and Im saying that i'm loving,but thats what Im trying to do.





Monday, December 24, 2007 ; 6:32 AM

Well, I'll swan.
I'd never listen if someone else said it,
Just to see if they're in my will.
Plain ungrateful after all I've been
Through for them,
All I've done for .
Lawd, I'm so tired.
Bring soon Thy Sweet Chariot
And I'll cross with You over that
Great Divide.
Heh heh, won't those chillin be surprised
I've done dismissed
Oh, yes,
Won't they be surprised.

I was unpleasantly taken aback with an incident that incurred me to lose a friend.Have you ever been stepped upon by someone whom you have helped a great deal? Well I have,its surprising cause that person was always a good friend,and now that particular person is siding someone else and calling me name and blatantly blaming me when that person has not heared my side of the story.Well i sincerely thank everyone out there for labelling me:).Heartiest thanks,im not affected by it but I am certainly surprised at how "gratefullness" can be repayed, amazzinng! and id put it to everyone,this is my blog Id write every damn thing inside here,you have no rights to come and find fault with me or blatantly blame me.And to all those who have been reading my blog and perpetually causing problems,get your facts right before you mess with the best.
Im looking forward to christmas,I just love this time of the year,the magical feeling is so amazing,I was talking to baby's mum yesterday and she was saying "barking dogs will never stop" I have to agree with that indeed! Cause there is always some swines out there who never fail to entertain themselves through my blog.No hard feelings to anyone though.I just want to thank that particular person who was a good friend and I don't wish to talk to you anymore cause I didn't expect you to react in this manner,thanks for being there for me though:) cheers.

Christmas is a season of sharing with your loved ones,and I have drawn my line,my close friends,my best friends,my family,my baby and my baby's family.
there





Saturday, December 22, 2007 ; 5:38 AM

Im so excited for christmes.its the oly time of the year whereby its seems so serene.All the buzz,lights,gifts,xmas trees,such a feast for anyones eyes,I am so tired from work and my feet hurts alot,my gastric attack is coming back,I went to the polyclinic to get some antacids and painkillers as well. i am so exhausted and my body seems like its gonna tear up any moment,i think I have been totally drained out,I am looking forward to the new year,as this year wasnt very good on the whole,especially with some bloodsucking leech in the picture who apparantly is as dumb as nothing cause I don't know how to describe how dumb that parasite.And this year was the year I went for an operation to remove some tumour and my appendix as well.Well I had a fair share of good times too but I am reall ylooking forward to year 2008 cause everyone's little princess is out into the working world,it seems like a big transition though cause I have been more of a classroom based person,be it learning or teaching and the wards provides me with a very good opportunity to participate in care of my patients.
well well nitexx!





Thursday, December 20, 2007 ; 7:47 AM


the best day:)
todae
My birthday,my first cake of the day which was cut at 12midnite sharp:)


My 2nd birthday cake which was cut in the evening:)

im so lucky to have two birtday cakes! the whole day was filled with presents and wishes from my loved ones not to mention tons of food! whoolala I had such a good time and yes this was th day i truely felt happy after such a long time.Thanks to everyone who made my birthday a special one,i really love you guys,be it wishing me thru smses,cards,gifts,calls I truely appreciate it,Baby's parents were really sweet o wish me as well. I was really elated.I love my baby so muchh
and this post will be filled with pictures!!


me and my baby













Sunday, December 16, 2007 ; 4:57 AM

You just don't have anyhting to say when things keep happening.If its once,twice,perhaps the person can be forgiven,but if it keeps happening? I can't hold in any longer cause everyhting your doing is leaving me in shreds,I hate the way you neglect me,I really do,and when I said,takecare of yourself you just said i know how to takecare of myself girl,man that pulled my morale down,why is it that I am the one who is trying to sort our difference and your attitude out and when you don't bother,it hurts me so much.I can cry anymore,I have nothing to say anymore,whenever thing are close to perfection you blow it,time and again,you crash my happiness and wreck my sanity,I dun deserve the way you treat me.And your saying that you lvoe me.. but your action don;t show it,I cry in my sleep every night thinking about us,whats going to be of us,hell no! I swear I don't deserve to be ignored,thank to my friends:)






Saturday, December 15, 2007 ; 6:29 AM

Its amazing the way people meet and pursue their relationships after that,well I met a really interesting character during my course of work,he is none other than a doctor:) A very intelligent cocky lad with an extravagant energy.He was obviously tryign to strike conversations and yes it all went well and yes he got my nunber.haha I was tellign baby about this and I was like baby isnt this wierd? And my baby was like,nope my honey it isnt.Wel, yes the doctor is a very good friend and to my darlingss out there,ITS NOT anything like GREY"S ANATOMY! haha thanks for all the crappy tekaning moments!!
Went to hang out with my sis,brother,prem,david,jessie and their mom.WE had so much of fun! Cycling,chilling,eating,I ahd such a wonderful time and I smiled so much,well that smile is something which means alot to my broinlaw,prem. He means alot to me,we cry,smile,share all our burdens together,its amazing to have met my bro in law!





Wednesday, December 12, 2007 ; 6:17 AM

Everything seems well,it scares me.Cause Id never know whats going to happen the next niffy,Well it hurts to see myself being in something which I am constantly feeling uncomfortable about,I really dunno what to say or do,if only things are in my hands,because I am so intensely hurt and I cant seem to break free from my pain.Its sadness that overwhelms me.Everyone says its easy but its not,cause being in a relationship is more than love itself,I am getting hurt perpetually but yes I dun't know how to put it to you,I have so much to say but I go mute at the sight of you cause baby I dun want to hurt you,every night I cry and pray to god,to make things fine,every morning I wake up with the fear of losing you and getting hurt,baby its so painful inside me,I am bleeding.. do you care? No you dont.You say it all,you do care I guess but you just don't show it,baby its hard,extremly hard,I am drowning in my sorrows.Was talking to my bestiee today and he is no other than my sis bf,even he said there is just something funny in me.My depessiver stupor was whar he was referring to. Well yes..even he felt I was better off single..I don't know,but what ever it is I love my baby the same:)





Tuesday, December 11, 2007 ; 5:19 AM

I need you boo, (Ooh)
I gotta see you boo (Hey)
And the hearts all over the world tonight,
Said the hearts all over the world tonight [x2]

Hey! Little Honey,
Ooh, you a stunna
Hot..lil figure,
Yes, you a winner
And im so glad to be yours,
You're a class all your own
And..
Ooh, little cutie
When..you talk to me
I swear..the whole world stops
You're..my sweetheart
And im so glad that you are mine
You are one of a kind and..

You mean to me
What i mean to you and..
Together baby,
There is nothing we won't do
Cos if i gotchu,
I don't need money,
I don't need cars,
Boy, you're my all.
And..

Oh!
I'm into you,
And boy,
No..one else would do,
Cuz with every kiss and every hug,
You make me fall in love,
And now I..know I can't be the only one,
I bet his heart's all over the world tonight,
With the love of his life who feel..
Wat i feel when i'm

With you
Boy..
With you

Cuz if i got chu,
I don't need money,
I don't need cars,
Boy you're my all.
And..

Oh!
I'm into you,
And boy,
No..one else would do,
Cuz with every kiss and every hug,
You make me fall in love,
And now I..know I can't be the only one,
I bet his heart's all over the world tonight,
With the love of they life who feel..
Wat i feel when i'm

With you
Ohh..
With you
Yeah Heh..

And I..
Will never try to deny,
Cuz you are my whole light,
Cuz if you ever let me do,
I would die..
So I won't find,
I don't need another man,
I just need your all and nothing,
Cos' if I got that,
And I'll be straight
Baby, you're the best part of my ??

I need you boo,
I gotta see you boo
And the hearts all over the world tonight,
Said the hearts all over the world tonight
Woo Ooohh.. Yeah~
They need it boo,
They gotta see their boo,
Said the hearts all over the world tonight,
Hearts all over the world tonight

Oh!
I'm into you,
And boy,
No..one else would do,
Cuz with every kiss and every hug,
You make me fall in love,
And now I..know I can't be the only one,
I bet his heart's all over the world tonight,
With the love of they life who feel..
Wat i feel when i'm

With you
Boy..
With you
Ohh..





; 5:08 AM

CLICK HERE FOR PROFILEPOUNDER.COM GRAPHICS
PROFILEPOUNDER.COM


CLICK HERE FOR PROFILEPOUNDER.COM GRAPHICS
PROFILEPOUNDER.COM





Monday, December 10, 2007 ; 6:40 AM

Death is a part of Life. No one escapes its clutches, and no one long escape the harsh reality of dealing with the loss of someone dear.I witnessed the casket that held the breathless body of my dear patient being brought out of th room

tears poured down my cheeks like rain out of heaven

it was so cold this morning and I could feel the salty droplets dry hard on my
face

I wondered for so long about the life of my patient
I pondered this question so many times

why shall the innocent die, while the murderers run free?

how come she never got to fulfill the "perfect"
plan that we are all promised?

i know i will take long to understand the loss
it has taken me a little thinking to realize that her
plan was played out

it is all summed up in this one word that often brings shutters to the
bones of so many

"lessons"

her death was a lesson to all that she left behind life is fragile
there is no way that we can control who lives and dies
all we can do is have faith that we will get through it

good and bad are obvious and sometimes not so obvious

right and wrong choices can determine life or death

so it's time for us to wake up
mourn no more
for time will heal our broken hearts

and one day
there will be no more tears to cry

Her smile of gratefulness,the way she calls me still runs through my mind,now yes she is safely endbraced in the arms of god.Lord,my almighty please protect her,and may here soul rest in peace.


Preceding that mishap,the workflow in the wards went as usual,its so fulfilling to be a nurse,well yes there is this particular lad in my ward,a medical personnal who is really nice and it seems like he is tagging me,well he was saying about how good looking and cute and hardworking I was:) I was so shy and to those who have been working with me,you guys would know who I am exactly referring to! Well yes i have got this thing in me.When will swines ever learn there lesson?Or are they so rudimentarily qualified,so much so that they just cant comprehend and conclude certain things? YOu think Ima giving a damn about my "spoilt reputation outside? haha its probably "spoilt" like what you say among swines and a parasite.I know where exactly I stand,and I don't need to prove you anything,no obligations to do so either. Hahahhahaha! This is such an unwanted entertainment in my busy life,cause I know I have hit the right people..oops parasite and swines with the right words,call me what you want say what you want,I'd just give you a smile,cause I don't waste my time on any insignificent personnals in this blessed life of mine.

*nitesss* Baby I miss you!!!





Sunday, December 09, 2007 ; 12:13 AM



For some apparent reason,I think this video reflects my current mood,yes what hurts the most is being so close,having so much to say.Went to work as usual,but there was just something not right,yes my patient,the one who I nursed for 3 weeks is at death's door step,I kept checking on her time and again,I just felt so queasy and kept my fingers crossed,She was gasping for breathe despite the constant supply of oxygen via the nasal cannula,I was disheartened when her family members signed the DNR form.Man I broke down so badly in ward,I was so distressed and upset but yes I was relieved at a certain point cause she would be salvaged from her ordeal,its hard to deal with the pain of cancer,it really is,I just hope I can see her once tommorrow,and god please take care of her when she is in your hands.
God bless.


Well yes thats for the emo side of me,and some swines are still too free scrutinizing my blog! Goodness! Ask me why I call you that? I don't have an obligation to answer you,I have got better things in life!! haha.





Thursday, December 06, 2007 ; 5:47 AM

Sometimes I am really amazed at how a blog of a plain jane like mine can stir up a series of arguments,I would like to make myself clear and relay to everyone who comes across my blog,that my blog has my deepest emotions and thoughts and yes I’d be straight forward in it.For some reason there are many swines who are very free to scrutinize my blog and make my blog as a source of entertainment in their mundane lives,man I pity you guys.I don’t give a thing about anyone being affected through my blog,oh yes you said I have the guts to write about you but I don’t want to own up,cmon I don’t have any obligations to own up,yes it was referring to you,well isn’t that the truth?Ur a parasite,a lethal one that can suck a person tolerance out,wonder how some others bought your 'oh so pity story', cmon you can message my boyfriend and tell him;ur gf is making my life darn difficult,I gt ntg to do wit ya nimre wot else does that small fly wanss??!Wan me certified dead 4 her ta f a happily evaafta ar? Hd da hell is she ta label me a slut,bitch,n a flirt? She wat periya utami ar? U dun cum telling me nt tag t ya involve..me bein ur past dun mean any harm ta both u n ur gf. Wot she wants?! ***** I had enuff enuff enuff b4 puttin an uttami n a faithful act ask her to stop msging *****Be it a 4wards msg or telling him hw much she misses d memories or him.. a guy like u hu is serious with her doesn’t deserve a unfaithful gal..u deserve a much beta gal and 4 goodness sake it nid nt b me..ani1 else…Pass me all ma photos I tk with ya to ***** tnx… okay now it a time for serious analysis…. U calling me unfaithful? Haha kiss my ass you parasite in the form of a human,go c ur own back before you point me out,you have no proof that I am unfaithful.man oh man!! Hahaha!!! I have nothing to do with ***i*.haha I don’t want to end up with a horrible life and probably ending up counting my prognosis of a destructive disease,both of you can keep in touch with each other for all I care cause me n him are no more,talk to my finger cause you aint worth a palm. We had a agreement never ever to communicate.What more do you want.Any person in the right mind or an intelligent person would certainly imply that ur trying to get back…from the part where you said.. .. a guy like u hu is serious with her doesn’t deserve a unfaithful gal..u deserve a much beta gal and 4 goodness sake it nid nt b me..ani1 else…
You saying those words and then protecting your ass by sake it need not be..ani1 else? Haha you put it as goodness sake,yes it is for a good sake that I am in his life.the way you spoke was so disgusting and deafening and man I was disappointed cause that is certainly not the way a person in a healthcare profession would talk or handle things. I spoke to you in a polite manner but ,you went 10 octaves higher.You’ve got issues with me? come and say it right on my face, and deal it directly with me and not pull in others, your friend read my blog? Ask that swine to come talk to me. Cmon I am way better off than you all and I know it, it’s the truth, you can never be in line with me,so don’t you ever try,I have got a purpose in this life that I have been blessed with,I don’t wish to waste my precious time which could be spent doing fruitful things on parasites and swines like you guys out there,like I said hit me once and I’d hit you twice as hard,cause lady..what goes around will come way back around and when it comes its gonna hit you real hard,I know you know what you have done, hinting on preserving the purity of one,so dun come tell me I aint good enough cause honey you’re a scrap yourself and mind you parasite stop getting my boyfriends friends involved and causing a pendulum effect of through misunderstandings, calling up his bestiee and saying I am crying to ur current bf? Whahaha please! I have got nothing to do with that doke,what I had with him was history and I don’t wish to talk about it cause yes,he was my biggest mistake and my worst nightmare. .hahahah gdnite,Thanks momma,shasha,asha,shubin,my sexy broinlaw and sis for coaxing me to not bother and yes slut? Oh sorry utami lacking impurity and swines associated with that thing for using my blog as a solace to ur ‘oh so mundane life’.Your messing with the best. I appreciate everything you said,at least you have vent you fustrations out.Ima dropping this issue cause I have my principles to abide by of which not to squander my time on this kinda pointless issues.





Sunday, December 02, 2007 ; 12:22 AM

My schedule has been totally tough the past few weeks.Now I know what its really in the life of a staff nurse.Touching lives is miraculous,its an mazing feeling when ur patients recover and tell you"thank you" these words are enough to shine a bright light in my dim light.The path that I am walking through is still bleak cause there is so much more I have to achieve.I have seen many people and worked with them in the past few weeks,some of whom who are totallty fighting for life and pleading to life cause they have a child to feed,its so disheartening to see a mother cry.Yes there was this mother in my ward who has cancer,it has apparantly spread to her whole body and its a matter of a few months,there was this particular day when her 5 year ole,beady eyed som came and hugged her,and he asked mom when will you come home? and the truth of the matter is mom is never going to come home.Isnt it so sad? Well the mom said ask that pretty nurse over there(pointing to me) I smiled and told him ;very soon honey,and I patted him on his head.Deep inside me I felt deeply disheartned that I had to tell the boy a lie.Haiz well that life aint it? My profeesion is something really enjoy doing,especially when your negelected by your love ones.At least you know where exactly you stand and when your appreciated.Well this is reality.And there is this one person I'd love to thank,he is someone whom only my bestiees would know,dearie I see you looking up at me,but I have no clue of how your doing,I just close my eyes tight and pray hard that everyone at home and pf course you,my first true love is doing good.Take care dearie your always in my prayers.There are few people whom I love to thank from the bottom of my heart and yes this entry will be a bit like a montage:)



The first oneMy babyboy


alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5139290191160684258" />Mom and grandma

Sis,broinlaw,bro

My bestiess,ghay n asha










The Blogger ♥
The One & Only.



♥ Tresca.
offically 20 on 2o/08

Loud,sarcastic,intellectual,conversationalist


Envy me ♥
Be jealous
Born a star,lives life to the fullest