HAving nothing to do can get tad a little sickening.
Well.. here I am in front of my laptop.Thinking about the night before.Or rather this morning:)
I was talking to shawn for the first time and it was a really long fun conversation:)
He was pretty upset about his breakup though.
Well we were talking about our past relationships ,family,friends,the things we like to do.. and the best part was that he knew my ex bf.Hafiz that is.. and he has seen fiz and the bapok together.. and shawn was like telling me that he was wondering wht the hell as wrong with fiz for going on with a bapok... he knocked some sense into my head.. haha imagine what will people think if we go on back together.. the chances are really slim though but I really think its worth the thought.. i mean life is about expecting the unexpected.It was really fun talking from 1am all the way to 6.30am to him.. i felt so bad cause he woke up really late and had all his plans pushed back:( Poor lil fella!
Well hmmph it was really nice talking to him....
He cheered me up

I miss my darlinggsss
I miss my dark chocolates
I miss school
I miss dressing up
I miss the smell of coffee.
I miss the smile of my darling cousin sriraam
I miss so many things:)

Well...the pain was getting the hell out of me...I had an insight to what was going on in my body and had the strong feeling that it was appendicitis.My own self examination ruled it out..the stufid fucked up house officer who was such a blurr ass said it was urinary tract infection.And i was like what the hell? I drink like a camel and take loads of fruits and healthy stuffs and me with UTI? HELL NO!!Even then he was unsure and told me that he would send his counsultant down to take a look .I was absolutely pissed.I was going through hell.The pain was fucking shitty untolerable.An hour or so the consultant came.. and my my.. it was my Buddy Sim Hsien Lim!She was like hey!!! I was whooohoooo its me again.. then she ran some tests and it showed that it was some major infection going on... but the antecedant was yet to be ruled out.I was trying my best to get it in their head that it was APPENDICITiS!! i wanted them to remove before it ruptures and kills me!Dr Sim sent 3 registars.4 consultants to take a look at me.. and they were like HEY!! your the student nurse! I was like yessss.. I am in pain do something..The doctors took their turns pressing me here and there and leaving me to scream in pain.I was crying so badly.. and the consultant told me he has to send me for emergency laproscopic appendicectomy.I opted for it cause the healing rate is faster and so is the minimality of scars.I went for it .It was a kinda experience I'd never ever forget.The staff who took care of me,the surgeon's smile,the anaesthesist healing touch,it was all just so amazing.I personally feel that being a healthcare professional is the most noble job ever.I mean now that I have gone through an op myself I can know how my patients feel.The pain,the anxiety,the fact of not waking up with anaesthesia,needles,blood... it can get quite scary.

I had drips on and my veins were blocked.It had to be flushed with normal saline,My hands were swollen,i couldn't walk,I couldn't eat.It was extremely disgusting.My friends Ain and sofyan were the student nurses in charge of me... and the ward I was in was the ward I was posted to before.SO yeah ..I knew all the staff and I recieved first class treatment!:) But pain is pain..Can't deny that.I will never forget the shit I went through.My friends,family,everyone I knew were so supportive.I am so grateful for having such wondeful people in my life.Except for one bitch who is still bitching about me.What goes around comes around are the only words I have for her.

Dear god
I hate the scars,
I hate how I am feeling.
I can't really walk.
I can't do anything without assistance.
Please give me the strength to do it all.
I want to recover.
I want to be the old me.
Please god heal my emotional pain .

And to the dynamic team at cgh,the surgeons,the nurses,my friends,my wonderful family I owe you a million:)

I am feeling really fucked up.Mum and Dad are sort of contemplating divorce.Heated arguments are like an everyday affair.My ears can’t fathom.Here I am once again at a state where I am lost,miserable,fustrated.I want to do suicide at the state I am in.Its not breakups that is breaking me up.The very fact that I don’t get what I want makes me irritated.I badly want to loose weight but I cant resist my favourite chocolates!! But I am aiming to drop at least 4 kgs by end of march.
Well I will do it.
I know I can
I ain’t giving up!

Well I am really happy on getting a new laptop!!yeay!I met kaijing yesterday, we went to shaw towers to apply for a job.Mccafe that was.The job seemed quite classy and fun to do.I sat in for the interview.The interview consultant was really very nice to talk to. He shared with us some of his personal stuff and was asking m about nursing and the challenges I face.Well to me if you can work as a nurse any job is gonna be a child’s play.I mean if you sit hard and think about it… you’ll know what I mean.We then went to indulge at yoshinoyas.The last i went to ngee ann city was to meet fiz and prem.So full of memories.Kaijing and I were catching up on old stuffs and discussing about prayers. Well I told her how hard I am praying for my parents and fiz.I told her that I truely deeply love him and that I want the best for him.He is a gem of a person.And I know that he has a meaning for everything he does.I am really glad that he is doing fine.But someday I wish that a miracle happens and we click like before.Just so perfect.Yup I really want that day to come true.I am contended with the fact that even through all this I am still in touch with him.I just hope one day he would give me a surprise call or just turn up when I am meeting prem.Whoa that'll be a dream come true.I truely love him.

Dear god bring him back to me.

Flames to dust,lovers to friends,why do all good things come to an end?
Your absence kills me
Your presence upsets me
Cause I don’t know how long u’d be with me.
The dreams we shared
The passion we had.
Its all a chapter closed.
You left me unread
I want you back
But you dun’t even bother
Why shud I?
I am incomplete because of you

I am single and loving it.
I dun need a man in my life.I only need you
I don't need a ring to make me complete.
I have gone thru enuff shit
Players,backstabbers- HATE EM ALL
There is one person whom i truely madly deeply love.
He is the one who is irreplaceable.
I just wish a miracle would happen
God here I am once again torn into pieces.Please help me.

Is this the way it's really going down?
Is this how we say goodbye?
Should've known better when you came around
That you were gonna make me cry
It's breaking my heart to watch you run around
'Cause I know that you're living a lie
That's okay baby 'cause in time you will find...
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around

Its been 2 months.I have met many but none are like you.
You were just my kinda guy.
I was ever so sure that its just u.

I have once again given up hope.Where all that is left is my death note.
I aint a coward to give you up.I don't want to.But do I have a choice?

I am so tempted so message him . But i just don't want to cause he said lets end things here for now.I pray daily that he must be fine,living a troublefree life,being a good son to his parents.I know how nice he is.Hafiz is really nice.I aint wanted things to end like this.If only I could muster my courage to message and ask how he is doing.I was really upset with the fact that though indraani knew that he had a frenster account she did not tell me.It was through prem that I knew he had an account.I am absolutely dissapointed.She knows how much I love him.Sometimes its really upsetting when your own girlfriends bitch you about.Asha is disappointed with her for not replying to her calls or messages for the dance. Its always RAJNEESH THIS RAJNEESH THAT. ARhh doesn't she get it in her head he is the fuck and leave type of guy?Dumping your friends for a guy? Fuck it!Hell cares,but i truely hope she is happy with him.I dun want anything to happen to her.

Asha and Prem are totally adorable! I think they make an excellent pair together! I want them to get together!
whoo itll be like perfect!
Other than that I just miss him so much.I truely do.

Well this week was rather taxing... I was quite occupied with attatchment and yes... MY RESULTS!
I wasnt satisfied with it.. I badly want to make it to NUS. I really do. Nursing has been a passion for me and I want to fulfill my dreams..its hard iknow but it isnt impossible:) I will do all it takes to achieve my dreams.
Last sunday was just so horrible.. mom and dad had a heated arguement. It was so tensed and the topic of divorce was on top of the list.
I was crying so badly inside but i had to control myself . Things have not been good for me at all.I just hate it when things don't turn out the way you want it to.It so sickening.

Whats with guys who play around and fuckin bitches who go after guys who are attatched?

It just too much.I mean its really obvious who I have a little feeling for now.


I know .He knows.They know.

I can't tolerated any shit anymore.
I have fantastic friends.A great bunch of cousins.Excellent family.
Do I need a man in my life?


I love my babies
I love him

You can say it
You probably don't even mean it.
If your playing me..just stop it.
I have been through too much
I don't wanna break again.
U know how much you mean to me.
That whore... can't she get a life?

Can't she see your MINE
We are slowly falling under.
I love u baby I realy truely madly deeply do.

Why do things like these happen to me? Or is it just that i am tad a little possessive?
No its just that I am insecure.Can't you get it in your head that I can't get you out of my head.
You may have it all. I may not.
My friends say you will be gone too soon.I dun want it to be that way. I really don't.

Your the apple of my eye.
The beat of my heart.
The blood in my veins.
Baby I love you.

FUCKIN WHORE I HATE YOU

I want to go out so badly. I want a time out.I really need a time out. So badly.Next week is the last week of attatchments and I'll be on a months vacation..Baby is on holidays and boy i miss him loads.

I am giving up on everything.
Cause u mess me up
You never listen.

Have you forgotten everything that I wanted.
Don't patronize me.

I am in a depressed mood.
Am feeling the heat.
Why do girls go after guys who are attatched.
GET A LIFE GIRLS!

I just hate it.. i really do. I don't want to mention names..

I just love justin so much and I won't even want to contemplate the fact of losing him. I have no more strength to go through what i went through in my last relationship. I am really afraid. I really am. Seeing the kind of shit my bestie is going through with her boyfriend.. it so unpredictable.It really is.

Yesterday was really nice.. the gathering at my place was really fun.. i wish we could camp out at east coast the coming holidays..it'll be really fun with the madcap family.. we are just meant to be!!I can't wait for sudha's wedding! *Anticipates*We were playing truth or dare and when it was my turn.. i chose dare.. then came a series of questions about Mr Hafiz..well it was difficult to answer them all... but yea what the hag.... i am over him.. I mean just want the best for him..

But its justin in my life now.. i wish i could tell him that i dunt ever wanna lose him..I really dun't want to....


Baby i am in lurve with you.I really am.

There is always that one person that will always have your heart..

Well i have to agree upon that.. life is so precious.. I never knew the value of it until now.. Now that I am on attatchment at woodbridge hospital..normal people yet a little abnormal in the cognitive arena.. Its amazing the way these people behave.. so much of sadness and confusion in their lives but yet trying to put up a smile... i know how it feels to got hrough a mental illnes.. auditory hallucinations.. delusions... it really wrecks you off everything....I salute these people... I really do..


I managed to chat with fiz that day.. it was a really short convo online.. arghh i really miss him .. i really do.. i just hope he is doing fine.. i really hope:)

I miss my babies... i really do.. the journey to imh is painfully long..

I am probably experiencing seperation truma of some sort...

ANd i love my baby JUSTIN!

♥ Tresca.
offically 20 on 2o/08

Loud,sarcastic,intellectual,conversationalist

Born a star,lives life to the fullest