Reflections show alot about the good and bad,I really want me to be part of you,but its gotta be right,I complete myself,I have come to my senses and realised that perfect relationships only exist in hallmark movies to a large extent,sometimes I regret for rushing into certain things,I have always wanted to be my best and give my best shot at everything,but when it comes to relationships it seems tough,love is not theoritical whereby there is a hard and fuss rule,its the way you see it,was talking to a very good friend of mine,he is also a mediacorp celebrity and he was telling me about what had happened in his relationship,I felt so sorry for him,you know dearest resh,your a class of your own,always remember there's no other like you,sometimes people like them don't deserve us,cause we do everything that it takes to keep it going whereas they.. do everything to make it break so badly,I truly know how it feels and upon hearing my story he went..MOVE AWAY!,cmon,you don't want to got through what I did,if they do it once they can do it again,i thought she wouldn't but she did it again,no denies that itll hurt real bad... I was like. yeah true,but it one last chance cause I felt he deserves it,and he was like... you've a heart of king I swear an angel like you sure deserves someone equally angelic.Well well thanks dearest resh for making my day with your comforting words,and I am really happy for the new found love! U go boy,cause I know you have got what it takes!!:)

God give me strength to overcome any hurdles,
god show me compassion and help me stay strong,
I have been feeling really lost at what to do recently.
Thoughts have been patronizing my mind and my head feels heavy,
I am really worn out,things happen for a reasom they all say,but is it all true? I wonder.I have always wished that things turn out the way I want it to,I have dreamt of a luxurious life with all the happiness,why is it that whenever I am happy the next minute I have to worry about is when will it come crashing down?
Practically being perfect isnt all,being a perfectionist on the other seems destructive to many,I don't think so.I am trying to accept things the way it is.I feel so lonelu inside,I get want to break free from my emotional torture,the feeling of depression doesnt get the better of me,it leaves me shagged and worried,I miss school,I miss my friends a great deal,I miss my lover boy even more whenever I am not beside him.Baby might be going into camp cause he failed his repeated modules.I coaxed him to appeal and try another time around,I really hope his appeal is granted,I can't let go of baby so soon into camp this soon,I am very unwilling cause I really need him at this point of time,I am going to be even more upset with him in camp.

Nites :(

Sometimes it really hurts to be in love,especially when things don't turn out the way you want it to.Whats your stand? I think it hurts.I never rreally thought that it can hurt thi bad.Sometimes I wonder if I am on the right track,if what I am doing is really right,if he feels like I'm taking up most of his time,if he thinks that I am a pain in the ass,if he really means what he says,I hate how much I love you,I seriously do but I hate.I can never forgive anyone who has trespassed against me,but I have forgiven this particular person a gazzilion times,it hurts so bad,sometimes I don't even know where I stand in his life,he makes time for me,he does sweet things but it all backfires against me when he goes into his negligent mode,my vactions are so screwed because of all the thinking that I have been doing,it time for reflections,and I conclude you really don't care.

This post is going to be full of pictures!! Well,post valentine pictures:)


Baby lovesss peckingg on my cheek!

A card I made for baby!!

My gift to baby:)

Us on valentines.

Babbyyy I loveee youuu!! hugs I am really glad everything is brought into light. I appreciate your honesty and thats what I lvoe about you,fancy her blatantly blaming you,seriously it takes two hands to clap,both initiator and consenting party,uhh and I could see all the guilt in that slut,sexually deprived bitch,haha too bad,you have made your choice and I am glad to be the one,honey I hope we will be stronger from this day:) Slut get a life la,seriously! haha.

I found a very interesting survey,and I did it:

Your age?
19

People know you for?
Erm,smartyy pants:),survivng through an ordeal(a fatal one that is)

Pet peeves?
The colour purple,tiaras,my room.

Favourite personal attributes?
My eyes:),my clavicle line:)

Natural hair colour?
Brown but I made a mess of it:P haha

Current mood?
entertained by some scumbags! seriously!!

Missing anyone?
My broinlaw,my best mates.

Anyone you hate?
Never used to but haha now I do.

How many exs do you have?
Okay,haha honestly 4,i dont wish to include the last one!

What race were they?
2 were malays,1 punjabi,the other was a christianindian. the last one was a malayalee christian.

Last message was from?
Him,Baby I need you,please dont break up,I love you please please.

Your response to it?
Nothing!

Last spoken to?
Mum.

It was about?
The annoying heated issue,she just told me to end everything;)thanks momma

Describe yourself?
Bubbly,next door girl,hyperactive,good person to turn into,born fashionista:),ambitious,loathes having problems.

Your agenda for today?
Tuition,gotta settle some scumbags who have been a bigggggg mayhem.

Do you have piercings?
yes,7, 3 on the right ear,2 on the left,navel,tongue.*winksss*

Why did you pierce?
Ima into body modification:)

To all those who patronize my blog and to certain homosapiens who seriously can't stop that dying addiction,gime a break,Ima seriously in no situation to entertain you guys in any way,yes my blog has no names mentioned,I can't do anything if the affected one wants to read it and get affected by it,he was at fault to a certain extent,you were at a bigger fault for buying his talk,I mean you definately knew I was in the picture and what ever it maybe,its only human to move away and respect the other party's desires,I'd have done that if I were you,cause I'd see no point in probing the matter at that point of time.We all know how it feels like... come on were are humans after all,the only proper response would be to avoid situations that trigger such response,like duh! You'd never get it.So Ima moving on with my life,I seriously want to say don't waste your time reading my blog if you want to pick on me ,its tempting with juicy issues I know,its a fact that I am a hot topic among your click,but I know where I stand and please oh sweethearts... GIMME A BREAK!!. hhahaa.

Baby I just don't get it.

Gawddd! Things have been pretty much mundane and stressful for me,certain truth I just came to know about;its a very annoying past of the one I love with all my heart,so today I went to meet up with a intention of breaking up,which would certainly be better for me,we had a convo,that of a very pentup one,I threw questions at him,for all the intricate lies that he weaved,god,I couldnt hold it, so I questioned about his past,yes,that slut,haha wait I just realised she is a desperate one who needs sexual pleasures to keep her going,man! disgusting,I mean what type of a girl will makeout with your ex bf knowing that he is seeing another girl and after seeing the love bites given by that girl? wretch,whore.seriously get a life,you can post how many bulletins and blog entries,a whore is a whore, it was your past so if you deny your one now,just remember you were one! even if he initiated it you could have stopped him,well the truth of the matter is you were the one who leaned on him and intiated it ,CHEAPO!!,god Im just so disgusted and you could tell me on the phone 'nothing happened that night' oh honey,I told you I can get info in a snap,and I am glad your out of the picture,damn you and your life,my bf is way better without you,the fact is you can never match to my standards even with a blink of an eye so just give up weaving tales about me.Mutual consent between a slut and a women of moral values will never go hand in hand so forget it,I don't wish to dirty myself by being associated with you,I appreciate the relationship but not the aftermath of it. Seriously,your desperate and you badly need some polishing up,I am glad that he didnt deny and told me what happened that night,cause I guessed that it would have happen, and the best part was when my baby said" she was pastime",your desperate nature has gotten the better of you already,so improve yourself. And the words you said baby,were really touching,about not wanting to let me go,thanks baby.

I just have one thing to say that is YOU SAID YOU WOULD NEVER INTERFERE IN MY LIFE ,SO JUST TRY TO KEEP YOU NOSE OFF,WHICH i KNOW YOU REALLY CANT,PROVE THAT YOUR A WOMEN OF YOUR WORDS.DAMN YOU.

Then it became a vicious cycle,that of emotions and apologies,(if you readin this its to you) get it right that I am not here to pin point anyone,but my blog is a personal emotional ground,your respected if you patronize it,I am indeed amazed at the way things have been,sitting back and pondering,I cry to myself,do i deserve this? Well,hell no,sometimes I wish I could live with my eyes closed,I wish I never met cruel people with unruly intentions,I wish I was smiling,I wish I never went through an ED,I wish I never did a suicide,I wish I was that chubby little kid who always makes others smile,it not an emotional rollercoaster,
i see it as a pandemic in my life,well do wishes really come true? God,do you hear my cries at night,god I'm sorry for wasting away emotionally,I am disappointed a great deal.God protect me,help me sleep,free me away from my insecurites and fears.God you never left me helpless,but now you are I know I have sinned once by trying to take away my life,I am sorry.God please take me away from the cruel stigma that has been inflicted,I just want to be in the arms of my loved ones,is that so wrong,gos my heart is barely alive,my mind is almost dead,god help me. At the end of everything I know there is something positive in for me,too many disappointments ,can't fathom,god forbid I wasn't anything like close to worst,there is a past I CAN"T ACCEPT BUT I AHVE TO LIVE WITH.

What would you do if you were me.
What would you do if you had sleepless nights and had to be on antidepressants cause of domestic situations,parents,expectations,fear of abandonment,I have come this far,and I thank God for bringing me this far, the only thing I am lokking forward to is my work,my ville where I just live my passion,NURSING.

Thanks to those who have been there for me,namely asha,suresh,prem,shasha,satish,my mommy,my brother,my sister,my soneya,cynthia,shubin,kak mai,jag,saidah,rajin,xinni,jeremy,joyce,and my godbaby who keep me going,

thanks guys.

There are some thing I can never accept,but I am trying to live with it.It hurts when someone close to you heart keeps stabbing you on the same spot,oh damn it hurts,my threshold has vanished,I can see the path in front of me,I was ever so certain that I wasn't going to be smiling for long,cause you just slap me right across my face with your actions,let me question you,do I seem like a doll to you? Haha disagree all you want but thats the fact, so this was what one of my friends called me and told me,she is apparantly in this particular sluts account,and there was a bulletin post which went "13. have you ever jumped in the pool
with your clothes on?i din jump..i was carried n thrown..by
a beloved 4 yr-old rlshp *****..grrr

So let me do the talking,arent you over him,memories do exist no doubts,but hello you didnt keep up to your word,when you said you won't even mention about him? Man! no doubts why the best of the best see you as filth! GOD! I was disgusted annoyed.... like what my friends said sluts need more than one,well suits you,noe it my turn to play my game,hell I hate everything,emotional torture is what I am going through,Thanks for putting me through shit MR BOYFRIEND.

Today,as we all know is chinese new year,happy CNY greeting to all my chinese friends,today was the sports spectra at NUS,I was playing but I went to cheer my team and watch my baby in action. It was really fun despite the heat and sweat! Baby's team didnt get in so we left shortly after he changed.Shasha left with us,I then headed to baby's house,I was feeling all queasy and definately irritated,I hate getting baked in the sun.Saw a few unwanted faces,but I didnt really bother,I did a good deed:) hahah that was to assess soemone who got injured during the game,it was knida evident that it was a fracture,cuz he had no sensation and the bones seemed unaligned,baby was a little impatient about getting home,as he was really tired and wanted to spend time,but I was tryin help that poor fella,I immediately asked them to ge icepacks and used the arm sling to wrap it around the area that is swoollen and then I got someone to call for an ambulance,hope that fella is doing well! after that we took a train to boonlay and then headed to baby's house,there was noone over at his place,so it was just the both of us,we went to shower then sleep! We only slept for an hour or so and then we headed to have something and I headed home,i had finally gotten to spend time with baby,and all my friends were really excited to see him.Me and baby were talking about crazy things,like wedding,kids and all that.Its too fast though but yea,honey I hope things will be smooth for us.

Have you ever been in love so much that it hurts so much at times. I have been there so many times. Sometimes its so hurting, but i cant seem to leave no matter what. It feels like you are being understood one minute and the next is the total opposite. I am so confused by the way it is all happening. I am not sure if I know what I am doing. I do not even know if I am able to keep strong and go on.

I keed you so much more than you can ever imagine. Its all the obstacles that I face that strains me to the very last bit. On top of that, I have to face it all by myself. I need the support and strength from you. Please do not leave me stranded all by myself in this Cruel World!!

I have learnt so much in this past couple of months and I am very happy that I have learnt all of it. But it comes to a point where it keeps triggering me and I have no idea hwo to deal with the situation.

Sometimes, I wonder if I have made the right choice or should I just leave. But it comes to a point where I realise that things will never be the same without you. And that I want you by my side no matter what happens, be it happy or sad or angry moments. I love you and thats all that matters.

Now I need the support from you and for you to stand up for this relationship. Cause I believe that if you really want something, you have to stick by it and trust it with everything that you have. And you need to do that more, cause recently you have been slipping away.

Thanks so much for everything that you have done. The love I have for you will never ever change. Muacks!!

Well,its still the same,guess I should just not bother,I feel terrible when I am in your arms,I feel I aint myself when I am with you,YOu said I am noisy,loud,godd,didnt you know all that before you went on a relationship with me,evrytime you try to make it up to me,I know there is going to be a bigger blow,I never compared you with anyone,YOU DID. I cant keep you happy cause I have reached my peak,I have given you love,care,concern,what have you rewarded me with? TEARS,BLLEDING VEINS. God,I swear never to take up your time,like I said you need not worry about vtines day,I would never bother you and if its your bade that your worrying about,Ive cancelled all the reservations cause I don't want you to be caught between your friends and me,I can't play your game anymore,I swear I cant,I have so much to say to you,but its futile cause your never going to undo anything,thanks for hurting me.



Today was just home and tution,I miss my friends alot!Well I cant wait for this thurs!

I HATE YOU,I HATE THIS SHIT,I HATE THIS FEELING,EVERYTHING HAS TO COME TO AN END,YOU MADE THE BLUNDER AND I KNOW I WAS NEVER IN THE WRONG,YOU HAVE HURT ME COUNTLESS TIMES,COME ON,I CANT BE ANYTHING LIKE WHAT YOU WANT ME TO BE,CANT ACCEPT ME? GOOD BYE! I TOTALLY HAVE LOST MY COOL,MY TOLERANCE,WHATS THE POINT IN TELLING EVERYONE IM YOUR GF WHEN YOU DONT SPEND TIME WITH ME,IF I SAY ANYTHING LIKE THAT YOU SAY IM POSSESSIVE? HELL YES! IM GOING ON WITH MY LIFE,DO YOU FEEL LIKE A MAN WHEN YOU PUSH ME AORUND,COMING TO ME WHEN YOU NEED ME,THEN TOTALLY IGNORING ME WHNE YOUR WITH YOUR FRIENDS OR PLAYING CARDS OR WHAT EVER SHIT?CMON,I HAD ENUFF,I CAN'T HOLD IT ANYMORE,THERE IS NEVER A RIGHT TIME TO SAY : GOODBYE!
AND TO THIS PARTICULAR PERSON(IF YOU READING THIS),IM REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU,CAUSE YOU HAVE PROVED THE WORLD WRONG.

The past few weeks have been fruitful and meaningful,I am finally living my dream.I have graduated successfully and till this date I have gotten everyhting I wanted in terms of my academic status,the last day in my ward was really special cause my patients gave me cards and wished me all the best,I am glad I made a difference and touched the hearts of many people,I am really blessed to have come this far,I really appreciate everyone who have been there for me,school was rather special,well it was the last tiem we would ever step in as diploma students,the next time we step in,it'll be graduation,I took alot of photos and passed my address book around:) Well I am going to miss all the fun,the exam stress,the crap,the little last minute cramping,lecturers who go after us or landyards,slippers,inappropriate hair colour,the trends,oh god,I hugged my close friends,I am particularly going to miss my mentor,haizz!well thats the sad part of graduating,but I am certainly glad I was part of nyp,the next task is to perform well at work,the discipline that I am posted to is really different,baby's aunt is the clinician there,so its a bit more stressful,I know that I can do it though,2 months of vacation is going to kill me,I don't know what I am going to do to kill time,decided on practising my henna art,nail art,beading and baking.Thinking of doing up my room.Valentine's Day is coming,I'm tad a little stressful,cuz I'm pondering on what to get for baby,baby's 21st is coming as well.So yea.I got to start saving up for my degree,aunty janice was telling me a shorter career path,I intend to go to Perth or Canada to practise if all goes well.


Well love you guys and all the best!!!

♥ Tresca.
offically 20 on 2o/08

Loud,sarcastic,intellectual,conversationalist

Born a star,lives life to the fullest