The holidays have been fine so far.Its the third day of the week and tons have been going on.Well life can be complexed,if yours isn't.. mine is.Too many emotions,thoughts and feelings.I had nothing much to do on tuesday and i broke down really badly.Cause last year during this time.. you were with me..my heart is in the same condition as you left it,torn,broken into pieces,its so hard to move on but yes I am trying,taking babystpes.It seems like your such as intoxication that I am having a relapse everytime I look at our pictures and the messages you sent.You were my intended,why is it so hard? You never gave me an explaination for that doings,the hurt,the torture,everything,well I'd live by it.

Saturday was cousins engagment ! I finally met my cousinsm after such a long time.We had a wonderful camwhoring session.It was amazingg!! Jitz,shahmen,varman..whoohoo hotness..shashi you were the hottest!naren was damn cute la.. tikus was also there,he was part of the crew.. not forgetting shaun.. mr navy officer..charan,desy..all of em.. awesome! I had a good time with everyone.
I meet uncle thiru,who is dad's best friend and he was talking to me for quite sometime and wishing me luck for my posting and advancement in my career.I was really motivated to give my best shot at everything I want to do.I have so much i want to achieve,Thanks to my lecturers,family who helped me battle my ordeal.Thank a ton cause I'd have fell back so badly without your help:)

well I miss everyone! *cries*

Today was the last day of everything;Schoolwork,books,lectures,Exams!
The paper was somehow do-able.I woke up at 3 am to mug,thanks to sayang who woke me up.Thanks sayang=) Well yea I was kinda enthusiastic to study but I was only able to pull through till 4.30am.I slept again! God! I then woke up at 6 am and got ready.Well thats was my life this morning.I got a very very very sweet message frm my baobei this morning at 6.30! She was saying how much she is gonna miss me and stuff.. and I started crying cause she is really close to me.And she isn't the only one I am going to miss.Im gonna miss loads of people.Saidah,Rajin,JAGDEEP! Cynthia,Kak MAi,asha,soneya,baobei,fatimah,rabiah,angie,MISS CHIA!,DOROTHY!Geetha,Zhimin,Thapa,Farhana,nugget,Jingjing...aiii the list would never end..I have a problem detaching cause these people were like my essentials.I'd need a dose of their presence somehow.Now that I am on 6 weeks of vacation its going to be hard to see them everyday.But attatchments would somehow help..cause I'd be with a few of my cliques=)Well well.


Asha messaged me last night wishing me luck for my paper.Such a cute lil girl.And we were planning our crappy stuffs already.Hahah asha!! Doctor ah! :P U said it!Well my six weeks is gonna be packed with gym,tuition classes.I am going to make time for soka meetings.Somehow.I have to.Cause my existence and sanity is through prayers.I am feeling a little pent up,fustrated recently.I don't know why.Its hard to determine the catalyst cause many things have been going on.And somehow kaijing and i have this thing.. whenever I think of her she would call me! or message me! I miss her truckk loads too. Well back to what I was saying.Its the past that is haunting me so badly.I was pouring out my feelings through messaging asha yesterday morning.Cause there is this person whom I am atrracted to.I really am.He is not the whooaaa kind.. but he is just a very nice person,someone with a good character.But something really put me off when cousin said that he was attached but isnt serious.I was like what?! Amazing!Well I am in no situation to judge him cause I don't know him that well.Cousin was saying that if we both get together he cant fool around cause he will get it if he were to screw up anything.Well causin fren who is MR ATTRACTIVE's friend was also saying the same.Casue they both know the shit I have been through,slapped hard 2 times,brutally betrayed when I didn't do anything at all to hurt the other party.All I wanted was for things to go smoothly, and when I attempted to ,they made it seem as if I'm the one at fault and to be blamed.I have played this game two times and fell so badly that even until now everyhting that happen is crystal clear.I am broken so badly inside,cause I sucks when the one you love ignores you totally and comes back to you only when he feels like it.Treats you like doll.Well that was the relationship I had.

This time last year was the most amazing time of of life,Cause that was when I met babyboo.I still remeber all the things we did together,the laughs, the tears,the pranks,your stupid yellow watch,french fries! mouth to mouth feeding:P you trying to read tamil!!!catching around the blocks! your smell:) your stupid sweaty face and the way you'd hug me,my blonde hair which your mum found very nice.Its all memories.I hope your doing good babyboo.cause you'd always be my baby though we arent together.

I swear the lecturer's are out there to kill us!
My oh my!
Fuckin hard! Management was like unmanageable.I was mugging the day away.I met yoga for a little while to pass him my notes.Poor fella looked pretty tired from studying.Was helping mugilan with his med surg and mugging at the same time.I was having fever and sorethroat which made it even hard to stick to the chair.I kept walking restlessly around the house with my notes.I completed management by 8pm and then started on community health.Well I really want to ace this paper but it seems somewhat impossible.Killer boy! I swear by it.


Am missing alot of people.My darlings,my mum,my sexy bummer,everyone infact.Gotta call em all up;)

Saturday was cousin Rekha's wedding.It went smoothly except for some coflict here and there.Ramesh looked really good,and i'd say its a match made in heaven cause honestly both model material! :) Whoohooo! Well the dance florr was the hottest.I was dancing away with so many nattans:) Hehe! Well well they were all awesome dancers! Sunday was spent at grandma's place.My darling turned 63! Happy Birthday mumma!! I love yoo.She cooked dam briyani! Which is finger and toe lickingg good I swear.She is the best cook! Sis and I bought a cake for her,we had a mini party,then started fooling around as usual.I went high on nougats and dancing to Impacto by daddy yankee.Wooo i swear he is hot!

Yesterday I was somewhat taken aback by this particular person's behaviour towards me.I really was pleasantly shock.Amazing you having a gf and ot being serious.Well player? And for YOU MR! to introduce him to me.Haven't you known how much I have been through and the emotional turmoil that I got insanely twisted in? Man oh man.I hate hate hate hate players .I am pulling myself away from every shit that even my existence is bring questioned.Cause there is this someone whom I am attracted to.I feel its a one way thing but then again I dun want to think about it.Cause everytime I do everything comes back,the fear,the tears,the betrayal,my screams,my insecurity.I don't wanna got through it again.I never felt anything like this before.I am depressed.fustrated.There are so many thoughts going through my head.Everything is coming back cause of what you said the other day.Sometimes I wish I never met anyone like you.But then again I should just shut my thoughts away cause at the end of the day I don't want you to feel that my insanity is your fault.You disappointed me umpteen times and I gave in.. now there is this someone whom seems like a replica.. but only a better version in some ways.Why is it so hard?

The papers I have sat for have been hardcore shit.
Rheumatoid arthritis and parkinson's essay question came as a cardiac arrest to me!
Man oh man
Yeah!
HOlyy hardcore shit.
Im praying so hard.Cause the papers were unexpectedly hard.I didnt expect it to be this tough cause the past year questions with like candies!

Well yea 2 more papers to go.And then its Holidays!!!!I am so excited for my holidays cause I have many plans and people to catch up with.

I am already planning on my new look.That is the bob cut,like rihanna.Its effing gorgeous I'd say.Something which is going to look absolutely different on me.Trying to convince my mum! She is so against it cause I ahve natural locks.Well mum!! I wanna try this new cut and I aint changing my mind =)

I have loads of catching up to do with my darlings after exams.I miss my mummy,soneya,asha,esh,prem,gagen,joyce,mai,jag,xinni,rajin,my sexy bummer... tons more!
Well Tommorrow is cousin's wedding and my look: DOLLFACE:) i'ma gonna do locks or micro curls and go thick and pretty on my makeup.Hehe I am so excited!
Sunday is grandma's 65th birthday,followed by dad's on the 31st.Too many things!
Gotta find a job,6 weeks is really no joke! Haha

much love!

So shut up shut up,I don't wanna hear it.
I hate you as much as I hate durians!
Now everyone says its my fault.
I don't want to brood over you.No doubts I still will love you the same.YOu will remain as a dream ,a history forever,I can't understand how you can let everything go.I really can't.Well all I want oyu is to be the best that you can be.Baby you cheated and made me bleed.Where is the love? I am not saying its right or wrong,you can flirt all you want.GO ahead.Im not over you.. but I will be soon.
YEsaterday was the last day of lessons.I was happy but upset,I am not going to be with kak mai, cynthia anymore.The moments will all be remebered,the silly ones,emotional ones,well i am going to miss all my nursing kaki's! I love em aall.Esp jag,saidah,xinni rajin who never fail to cheer me up,sophian and hairi's jokes.Jags hugs,syafiq's winks,cynthia smackingg my butt! Joyce's smile,kak mai's jokes,advices.Kak rabiah,hazzy,angeline.MISS CHIA!! MS LEE!! I just cried the whole night away.Well sometimes I wish I was in year 1 again! Well there comes a time when everyone has to move on..
Went to meet ghaya n rubzy ydae.The had an arguement and I was tryin to sort things out between the both of them.Well the arguement got really heated and everyone in LJS were staring.I hecked it all cause singaporeans.. haha.. can never mind their own business. And being with someone who participated in peagant before.. tell me about it.The moment I came back and went on msn.. twm random people were telling me they saw me ydae.I freaked out big time! God..this shows eyes are all over and you can never escape people's scrutiny.Went to the gym with esh dearie today.The malay guys were damn hott! Right esh? WHohooo .. we had fun oogling and working out! Haha.. and we went for a snack and thne headed home.Had my shower and settled down to mug.Was really tired.Been keeping awake by having coffee! Oh yea!! Im so happy for ivy! she is 5 weeks pregnant.Well I have two close friends who a pregnant now! Its so nice! the other person is joyce,well I am the baby's godmother! I can wait to see my pearline darling! Bet she is gonna be the apple of everyone's eye.Joyca was raving about how much she wants her baby to have my eyes! Haha so cute! Well exam stress really sucks.And the war is till going on inside me.

Can't wait for my exams to be over.TONS of catching up to do.
These are the things I'n plaaning for:
1.lose weight! (fattttt)
2.shopping!!!
3.a day at sentosa with bestiees
4.plan anthony's wedding!! Whoohoo can't wait to see amy!
5.Bridal course
6.Driving
7.lose more weight!

haha

Iamscreaminginsidebutnoonehearsme.

I need some shelter of my own protection baby
To be with myself in center
Clarity, peace, serenity
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
The path that I'm walking, I must go alone
I must take the baby steps till I'm full grown, full grown.
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?
And I forsee the dark ahead if I stay
Like the little school mate in the school yard
We'll play jacks and uno cards
I'll be your best friend and you'll be my valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if you want to
'Cause I want to hold yours too
We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds

But it's time for me to go home
It's getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself in center
Cause BIG girls dont cry.

Well I am just immersed in soltitude.
I am not myself as of lately.
Many shit has been happening.
You and me are history.
Why is that the ones you loved the most always tend to leave you or hurt you?
Why is that that you always shout and make it seem like we are a whole lot of burden to you?YOu asked for this,what did we do to face such a crisis.Do you fell like a man when you push her around? Why o you two always heve to fight and turn home into a battleground.You both never refuted for anything I asked for.Never did.I always have gotten everything I wanted .All I am asking for is for you both to be normal.Like before.Why is it that it seems impossible? Please this is the last thing I am asking. Happiness.

Sometimes the world is just so unfair.Stigmatization solely on assumptions,brutal betrayal,gossips,filthy bastards.Damn.Id never forget it all.I am so hurt deep down that moving on is impossible but I know itll be all fine soon.Does it kill to even acknowledge my presence.This time last year. We were already together.Man I miss those times.But u'd always be my boo. Exams are next week,been tad a little caught up with muggin.Gonna meet ivy later to get my shake and then head home,do pilates and settle down to mugging.I have loads to cover.COnsolidation lessons are damn fucked up.They don't even give you a clue! haha.well I am going to absorb as much as possible! Whoohoo... mati sial.

Raj messaged me and was saying how come I forgot him! Haha.. well dearie I havent had anytime for anyone.Id hit you back when I am free:) Well its me,books and more books!

Am excited for my bridal shoot next week:)

IDUNWANNALETYOUGO-IAMBROKEN-

Now my tagboard is turning into a mini war ground.I think its really polite if people could keep their unruly comments to themselves.Its not right to stigmatize the healthcare industry cause everyone palys a part in the progress of this industry.Why is it that people tend to assume that we nurses have no problems of our own? And as for the ED.. its my problem.. after all.. its me who is going to live through it...and my ED is a cause of many other factors which you people out there have no idea about.I have my own problems and issues to hancle.Only my closest friends would know the kinda shit I am going through.As for october and november,thanks for your concern but my humble request is just this.. that is if you guys have issues with murses.. go report.. cause we nurses have a code of ethics to abide by.. and when we aren't in our uniforms we are just like any ordinary human.Well yea..

The past few days was just great.I had alot of fun. Shopped for cousins wedding! Bought a blue tiara.Im so in love with it! haha
its awesomely nice.Been muggin real hard.Just want to give my best shot as this is my finals.I hope I get the grades I want. And oohh yea... waa supposed to go to esplanade today,but I had to mug! Well I am excited for the wedding and I really hope YOURSTRUELY doesnt come,well I know that I will face shit if i see him again.Thats it.Baby you shot me!

I missing you like a child misses their blanket,Its time to be a big girl now.Forgive me my weakness,the path that Im walking.. is taken by babysteps..

CAUSE FAIRYTALES DUN ALWAYS HAVE A HAPPY ENDING

I MISS YOU BABY.

This entry is about october,some tagger who stereotyped indian nurses.Well I have to make it crystal clear that we nurses have a life our own too.I mean we are only human,practice wad you preach is an old saying, but then again issues like depression, eating disorders can strike about anyone at all,Cmon.What with you bothering about the fact that I aneroxia is taking a toll on me.I knoew it is,and I am taking the neccessary precautions.Obviously I aint dumb to let my career go down the drain cause of an ED? Please.Gimme a break! Why don;t you just work as a nurse for a day? Bet you wouldn't be able handle it.Its through us that the healthcare system today has morphed this much.So don't say I'. like any other indian nurses.FOr your information nursing was more of a passion other than a profession to me.And I love my job as a nurse.

Haha! Heck october!

Well yesterday was really wierd for some reason.Started a bit of mugging.Had a big problem to handle.I just don't understand guys these days.Whats with that asswipe asking about details on how I knew ghay? kaepokia.And MR ANONYMOUS. if you wanna block me.. by all means. I don't lose anything at all.Please la.You don't fit my bill.I am high maintainence alright? GO after your dancer gf of 3 years! and leave me alone:)Well for some reasone there is this slut.Well two bitchy sluts I'd say.And a bapok .Haha. whom are fabricating shit about me.Its amazing how someone who was so close to you once can bitch behind your back.As for him..hello I was his best,smartest,richest gf.Infact I am too much for him.So bitch stop bitching around about me.Like I said your dumb,and its thru me that your schooling now.YOur frenster photo comments can be sacarstic but why arent you taking my pics away? Haha .. cause you just want people to know I was your friend.You were all over my cousin when he started talkin to you.You contemplated about ,marraige and all that shit with him.. so who is the slut? You were so pissed when all your guy friends wanted to get to know me.. Who is the jealous one? Think about it gal.Cause you know.. what goes around would come way back around.I have been through too much to even forgive you.You can be his close friend.. but I was his girlfriend,his everyday once upon a time,his babygal,his sayang,his love. YOu werent.SO yea.Husband? DO you think he would even look at your face? Hello he went for me.. and his taste is way high.I couldnt stop laughing when I was seeing your profile.Cousin jegs was the best.. critising every pic Wahaha.. kecho!!! MY sis was way better.. she almost puked!.hahahaha
slut.I should have known it when you came aorund that you were goin to be bitchin around.Well this is the world!

The weekend was good!!
Haha.
Met my darlings on friday at Boon Lay.Well I was damn pissed with the fact that cousin was irritating me with "yourstruely" I was sickened with another fact that there was a high chance of me bumping into him.Arhh.Was slackin biggg time! Haha.. I am myself after such a long time.I was really happy to hang out with my dearies who just hear me out and are there for me.I was upset cause cousin made my mummy upset and mummy poured out everything.It was the side of her I never knew,I mean everyone has a sad side.Well mummy I am here for you no matter what!:)

Went for a family dinner at expo.It was hellofa fum time! My uncles are such crackpots! SO funn.I kept laughingg and laughingg! My aunt was a little clumpsy, she kept spilling the drink on me! Hahaa The way it happened was really wierd and funny.
Well That was saturday.Cousin vik gave me shaock of my life. He was drunk and was raving about his ex gf's.I was in my semi sleepy state and I couldn't decipher what he was saying,all I knew was that he was high on BArons and was puking and puking.Poor fella.Havent spoken to him since then.Gotta call him.Sunday was shopping!!! I bought this lacy blue spag dress.And Im deciding on the hairstyle and makeup for the outfit.Id really look good in it if I was way skinner,I swear!

We ate alot yesterday.Mum was scrutinizing my plate to see if I really ate.WTH!
Well yea.Home can be hell at times.But I dun care cause its only for now and I know that once I'm grown itll all be way different.

I hate it that you don't care.I hate it that you called and you screamed and you said I didn't love you.I hate it.Why is it that guys have their way out? Why is it that girls are the ones who always have to compromise? Isnt it unfair? Was this the way the world was created? I hate it.I hate the fact I even fell in love with you.I really hate it.I hate you but I love you as much as that.Would it kill for you to apoligise? WOuld it kill for you to message? How can you even do all that to me when I showered you with love and care? How? I just cant get it into my head.

Baby YOU shot ME down.

♥ Tresca.
offically 20 on 2o/08

Loud,sarcastic,intellectual,conversationalist

Born a star,lives life to the fullest