Sunday, November 26, 2006 ; 11:20 PM♥
I really hate my life.Its complexed and complicated.Deadlines to meet,throbbing pain,the pressure to stay thin,sarcastic people to put up with.. a madcap life is the best way to describe it.
There is alot that has happened. Sometimes I just wonder why things are these way. I have a wonderful family,great friends,maybe not the looks and the body but I know that I have got what it takes to make it far.... I am still disturbed with the fact that Rajen is not talking to me.I was honest to him about certain things.. I don't wish to hurt him and be unfaithful.I still love hafiz....People say I am stupid to still go after him.. but he was someone whom I really loved alot and still do...no one can understand that... I am paying repentance.. I know it... I have rejected like a whole list of guys... and the ones whom I have been with were really great guys... Why is it that i perpetually get hurt? Am I that vulnerable? I am cut deep , really deep by all that has happened.
Mom hates me.She gets irritated at the very sight of me..I have hurt her alot... and I have to undo the done... as for dad... he is such a possessive and judgemental man.I have to juggle both dad and mom.As for my siblings... they are a great bunch to be with but they often backstab me..and I would have to face the music...I learnt one thing.. that is never to tell your family members about your personal life.I can write a book with all that has happened...
I went to work on friday,it was at suntec... coincidently hafiz was working on the same day too.. we were together for a short while and got to see more of each other that day. He looked awesome with the uniform.. and I was really captivated... some charm he has... He was going through some problems himself... and he just shared the gist of it... I was quite sad for him though... but I know that he will make it through somehow.. these were the words he told me... I need time... If only amala tresca will wait till I a stable.... I told him I would wait.. wait for my
MR MAN... I want him to be the special person in my life..god please answer my prayers...
please protect hafiz and make my wait worthwhile....I don't all that is going through his mind but I will be there for him whenever he needs me... even if he makes it big I hope he would not forget me... So much of love, so much of pain.. the time we spent together was special... We were like the perfect Mr and Mrs... and then came a bomb..BREAKING UP...I hate break ups... it already a month since we broke up and... we still see n talk to each other.... perhaps I do have a chance.. I just want to tell him this:
I loved u,I love u,I will still love you I never let you go,memories of you haunt me everyday Ur presence is being missed ,your absence is hard to handle.Blogging about my emotions has made me feel better... well I am waiting for the next class to begin and I have made up my mind.. that is to wait for hafiz and focus on my studies... I am never going to let myself get into any form of crap.. enough of all the shit I have been through.. once hurt twice bitten....lil-vainzboilil-vainzboilil-vainzboilurvefizadorefizsexyfizdarlinfizfiziliciousmuakzhugzkissess
