Saturday, October 13, 2007 ; 8:11 PM♥
you know depression is ready to set in
when you wake up hating the life you have created within
look into the sun filled sky
let the warmth deeply apply
to fill your heart and your soul
get rid of the deppression that has a hold
don't let it sink far enough in
for if you do you will not win
don't let it touch your precious life
or your family, friends and loved one
don't let it drag you way down low
get the sun's warmth to let it go
fight the fight
and you will win
you will beat
the depression sneaking in.
but did you know???
did you know that I secretly cry and tear myself to shreds every night?
did you know that behind my seemingly warm happy eyes lies a broken innocent, ravaged by many sinful hands?
did you know that I loathe you for disposing and abandoning me in this forsaken hell?
did you know that for every smile I forcefully press against my face a slit is placed upon my delicate skin?
did you know that everyday you kill apart of who I am, that every time you scream at my wrenching, contorting face I grow number?
do you know that for every word you say it pierces my heart and I grow closer to my death?
do you realize that even as I lay in the plain plush pillows on my final bed with an expressionless face, I still hold nothing but contempt for you?
do you finally understand the cursed life you burdened on my fragile shoulders?
I don't think you do, you will never understand...will you?
well i guess time will tell. as we all grow older. we cant escape.
im battling this battle within. the sleepless nights & dreadful dreams are haunting me. i tell no one, i dont wish to. the mysterious sounds of the night are very frightening me. i dont dare sleep. panic and rage runs through my body like the devil's tryna get in. day after day, I fight off the urges, that would be so satisfying.
queasy feeling in my stomach knowing where the late nights would lead. now, no longer did I care about the physical pain. when it's nothing compared to the shit that starts up in the brain. things began to change as I automatically fell silent and pushed people away. tt never mattered when no one wants to hear of this kind of pain. all of this shit made it hard to trust anyone. even brainwashed myself to thinking I would never love nor be loved. with no direction to turn, since everybody goes through their own problems. tired of comparing my life with others, is all that supposed to take away my troubles and dissolve them?
now all im left with is this person. who keeps me going. who makes me realise & gives me reasons to live. who keeps telling me to look at the bright side of life. one who shares, teaches & advises. still selfish at times, but i love every part of him. the way he makes me laugh & the way he makes me cry. he doesnt know. he doesnt need to. i love him when hes angry, i love him when he's sad. when hes having a bad even when hes mighty glad.
ever since the day I let you meet me, i missed you when you left. i miss you now more than ever. i cannot wait to see you again. i long for you when we're apart. this relationship we're in, as we agreed, its like none other. who explores their minds with one another? i wish i could look you in your eyes and somehow take away all your fears. of those fears you keep telling me. fears of being betrayed. i believe together we could do anything. if we wanted to. i want to, do you?
your smile always brightens my day, while your words just blow me away. you give me the confidence to go on...making no more sadness. loving me...throwing away all of the badness. late at night when I look up at the moon, the only thing I seem to think about is you. even tho you're driving right beside me. or sitting right by my side staring up in the sky. embracing the world above. you've no idea whats going thru my head, cause i nvr told you. all that came out of my mouth was "wow", or "look at the moon". cause when ur staring at it, ill be staring at you.
there's one thing that i will never forget, and that's the day we finally met. when i gaze into your eyes, i know youre the one that will never tell me any lies. may sound so cliche. i dont care. you may not believe me. i dont care too. cause i know one day you will. you definitely will. I hate those nights when i'm trapped in my room when all I can do is think about you, but then I feel free when I know your thinking of me too. unlike now, ur fast asleep and im sill thinking about you. ur stuck in my head from day till night, in my dreams in my mind pictures of us hugging tight.
fuck all this bullshit cause nobody will ever really know or understand how i feel. but this is close enough. you dont know what i mean so dont let your minds run too far.
