Its been ages since I blogged,been really caught up with work,I am trying to cope and the occasional break downs are somethings I am not spared from.Soemtimes I am so tensed and irritated with the way I was precepted,I sincerly feel my potential is not utilized in the department I am in.Some of them drive me insane with the way the carry out their work.I am still trying to cope.The work is easy but blending in is hard especially when your of a different breed from all of them and your backgroud is different.My expectations of the ward was really high and I can safely say it was not met.I am dissapointed. Went out with my girlies today,it was awesome,I was the usual crappy me.Bought a number of stuffs.I was really happy to my girls:) love you guys! Nadiah I know you'd read this,remember that I AM YOUR BF!!! I really in need of sleep though!Baby I am sorry for neglecting you today. I love you sugarmunchie!

its hard especially when your new and they step on you.
its hard
it sucks
it really does
i hate the place
i really do

Dreamers, have you heard the phrase: “What you don’t know won’t hurt you“? I’m sure you have. Everyone says it. Well in case you haven’t figured it out, that’s crap! The fact that everyone accepts something as true, doesn’t make it true.

I’m feeling really tired. Not sleepy tired (although I could sleep). But I’m talking about the kind of tired you feel after you run a marathon and you cross the finish line and all you want to do is collapse. Keep in mind I never actually ran in a marathon, but I have run a 2 mile race and I nearly died.

I need answers. Ok maybe I want answers. Things just don’t seem real to me until I understand why they are happening or what the purpose is. Purpose is huge for me. Small details don’t bother me like they bother other people as long as I know the purpose. I can get on board with almost anything if I understand its role in the grand scheme of things. Even if its purpose isn’t important, it at least has to have one.

Then again, who am I to demand to know anything?

For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, “it might have been”,'it could have','i don't know'

Take from that what you will.

Its hard trying to change and nobody is perfect..if we were all perfect we wouldnt be in existence...SOmetimes the pressure to change can be overwhelming and be serve as a disadvantage.its scary.i just want you in my arms..the old you.The boy who used to text me just to say you miss me..the boy who lokked forward in spending every minute with me,the boy who loved my craziness.Just the boy who I once knew I can go back home to everyday of my life.

Boy,this is for you:

Babyboy your everything I wanted and needed.
I never thought in years to come that I will meet someone so spontaneous.
I was selfish and only rhpugh of my security but I never did though about your feelings,I apoligise and I admit I feel horrible inside of me,I just want thoigs to be back to basics.. us crazy n happy..

It hurts it hurts so bad.
wha did i do to you,seasons are changing and waves are crashing.
Days grow longer and noghts grow shorter.
Im suicidal.
All talks and no action.
Please don't move out away.
I am here for you.
Please don't walk away.
Im here,infront of you,pleading.
Dont leave me,I miss you.I miss you.
I just want to be left alone for now,words you said have made my heart sour and heavy,i deserve it,i know i have initiated break ups but this time you wanted a timeout,well I still love you the same.

Do you think
You could fall for a woman like me
'Cause I find it hard to trust
I need too much
And I really don't believe in love, no no
Do you think
That I could be the girl of your dreams
Sometimes I don't let things go
Get emotional
And sometimes I'm just out of control
You need to stop for a minute
Before you get too, deep up in it
'Cause everything ain't what it seems
It's hard loving a woman
A woman like me
You need to think about it
Before you get hooked on the venom
And can't live without it

The past weeks have been pretty nice,been to busy to blog and do anything else for that matter,the ward has been really busy, I am happy cause my mind is occupied,sometimes I just feel that some people would just come to their senses,people whom I know who know about the desperate ex of my bf have been like.. OH MY GOD WHAT THE???!! Why cant people let go and move on? I mean if you cheated on him once, that was blunt enough to show your sincerity ,silly isnt it.. I mean the thing that you,as a girl should be having on your mind is for your ex to be happy and not be vengeful and cause redundant problems..I made it clear.. its never my loss if he loses me cause bitch.. Ima tough girl,I dont give in easily,you mess with me? Think again,I have something to tell you,what goes around will come way back around and when it does itss gonna hit you twice as hard.Now wretch,I have nothing against you,so don't you dare go around spreading stories..well at the end of the day in solitary confinement in the presence of the lord we'd know who is reasonable.Friendster comments,shoutouts,bulletins are nothing to me.You had the guts to implement but did have the guts to face the consequences? Think twice before you do anything cause your betweem the devil and the deep blue sea already. Haha nice show you have been putting up.And yes girls!SOme peagant rejects just love to act like they're the beauty queen huh? Attention seeking anorexic turtle!! whahahah!!!

Every step I make
And every breath I take
I took cuz I cant wait
To be closer to you
Baby you're so sweet
You give me cavities
I get a stomach ache
If I cant be with you
At night I fall asleep
And I dont wanna wake up
Cuz you are in my dreams
A heavenly creation
In the body that
I only wanna share with you
Everything I do is just for you
Countin every second til we rendezvous
And I cant wait
To give my love to you
Cuz everything I do is just for you

It's too complicated
To explain my relationship
My friends are hating
Cause they are feelin’ what I’m feelin’
Leave me alone
And just let me be
Find your own thing
And get off of me!
Cause your such a sore loser and I am real girl I end what I start!

This saturaday is going to mark the end of two weeks of being a staff nurse.
Amazing!
Time flies.My ward is really busy and yes the kids are 'oh so adorable'.There was this particular child who really touched my heart,he was a case of contractures and keloids,that kid however was determined to do all his ADLs on his own,I watched him closely,I could help but to burst into tears aftet that,sometimes I sincerely thank god with all my heart for creating me holistically.That child has a lot of difficulty in mobilising but he does every single think with a smile,on the day of his discharge he crawled up to me(thats cause he cant walk) and held my knees and thanked me.I was so touched.Little boy you will always be in my prayers and i really hope you'd do your mum proud.The other days were busy.Saw some new faces and yes the usual glares,come on!! get a life seriously.We went for service from the heart course on thursday and friday it was really fun and we had an awesome time.Sheherun,Farah,Rajin,Joanne,Me.. put us together and you get mayhem,our main rockstar..germaine was missing though!! miss that babe.. and today I caught some idiots glaring like they have never seen a staff nurse in mufti before...god the problem is I am so used to people glaring at me,so glare all you want I'd hit you in a way you'd never expect:) Whahahah... Meet on of my friends in OT... well heared that there were plenty of new staffs there.. whahaha!!! *chuckles to germaine*
You know what people..glare and condemn all you want cause when it comes to my ears.. you'd get a bombastic blast from your truely, LIL VAIN!

The first day at work was a new experience.
Donning the uniform of a registered nurse was a dream cone true.
Honestly I felt kinda tensed when I wore it,cause it is totally different.When you don that uniform its like 'YOU GOTTA KNOW IT ALL'
Orientation was really brief,the really see to every aspect of our learning and th thing i love about the NMs who orientated us,is the way the reassure us. This is my first time working in the healthcare line,student times were really different and so was PRCP times,cause during those times.. even if were unsure you still had a way or another out,but being an RN is a whole new challenging task.I know I will love it,cause I love working in a face paced environment.

I made many new friends,some whom I saw in school but never really had the opportunity to talk to.Some of them are...
Farah,she is really nice and sweet.She called me"BABE IN TOTAL CONTROL OF HERSELF"
Germaine,she is spontaneous and yes she has a great voice i must admit!
Rajin,she is one hellova fun loving sweetheart!
Xinni,she is one of the preetiest chinese girl I have seen!
Nise,ouhh!! haha me and nisa are excellent crap mates,she is one person who can be there for you to hear you out!

Ouhkay..the second day was loaded with lectures and ward.
The ward I am in is nice,the staff seemed friendly yet intimidating.
I cleaned up a child and fed another.Then I went around the ward to familiarise with the ward setting.

I have to revise all my stuffs... my NM is really nice though and she was like why did you choose peads? your like the rare few who choose paeds from adults,then I told her that I wanted something more challenging so thats why I chose paeds,cause in paeds you nurse both the child and parent:)

Well I have gotten my apron,the nurses are supposed to wear it as long as their are in the clinical setting,its really cute ,white with teddybear prints:)

gdnite for now.
babyiloveyou

♥ Tresca.
offically 20 on 2o/08

Loud,sarcastic,intellectual,conversationalist

Born a star,lives life to the fullest